I miss it all & the lack of it snaps me in two
by mademoiselle-eponinethenardier
Summary: "I need her. She's my perfect thing." She almost felt as though she were underwater, everything seemed that way as she sat in the back of the ambulance, holding onto Quinn's hand and begging to any and every God to just let her live.


Do you know how hard it is to do something perfectly?

_"Everybody has their big plans. New York…I mean what do I have?  
>I need her. She's my perfect thing. Something even I can't screw up. Do you know how hard it is to do something perfectly? I'll never get the chance again.<br>So even if I never leave this town or accomplish anything, I'll have her…to call mine."_

_Quinn swallowed one last time before her eyes nervously met Pucks, who stared down at her trying to convey all of his love for her into one gaze. She was his baby mama, she was always going to mean the world to him, and it broke him in two to see her hurting at all.  
>"I can't take back the argument. I can't take back the times I've walked away when I should have stood up and taken her hand. I can't take back anything, and I can't change the past…but I can change, and I can create our future. Together." Quinn spoke with a wavering soft voice, a single tear running down her cheek as she bit her lip nervously.<br>"Go for it." Puck said, so softly Quinn was sure she imagined it.  
>Cocking her head ever so slightly to the side, the blonde's brow furrowed.<br>"I'm serious Quinn. Go tell her. Go get your perfect thing, and then we'll go kick ass at nationals. This is our year to get it right." He spoke with a gentle tone, resting his hand on her shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze as he smiled honestly.  
>With one last shaky breath, Quinn nodded, running her hands through her hair, "how do I look?" she asked with a nervous chuckle.<br>"You look like an angel… You always do, Quinn. Now go!"_

_Rushing through the hallways Quinn looked with an eager eye for the petite brunette, her heart hammering in her chest with the adrenaline pumping through her veins. Something pulled her to the toilets, surprisingly a place where a lot of things had happened between them…Their first meeting. The first time Quinn realised her feelings. Their first kiss.  
>And their first argument.<br>And now, Quinn hoped, the start of their new slate.  
>Pushing open the door, her breath caught in her throat. There Rachel stood with her back to the door as she stared into the mirror. Quinn's eyes travelled down to rest on the brunettes fingers twisting in her hair, a small smile pulling at the side of her lips recognising this was Rachel's sign of being nervous. That smile was quickly washed away as she frowned, wondering what she could be thinking about.<em>

_"Rach…" She spoke softly, noticing how the brunette jumped and twirled with effortless grace, her large brown eyes meeting loving hazel and the flash of love quickly filled them. _  
><em>"Quinn…I…I'm glad you came." She whispered, although the tone of her voice alarmed the blonde. She knew that something was wrong, and her heart fell into her stomach. Walking over, she stood beside Rachel and looked down at the girl with worry in her eyes.<br>"Finn…" She stopped, faltering for a second. "Finn asked me to marry him."  
>Quinn blinked in surprise, the news hitting her and almost visibly moving her backwards as she tried to process it all. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, her mind racing, as she tried to find something…anything to say.<br>"What did you…why would h-…what was your answer?"  
>She stuttered her way through the sentence, her heart now beating erratically but not for the right reasons.<br>"I said yes…The ceremonies today, after nationals."  
>Quinn's mouth dropped as she stepped back against the sink and rested her hands behind on it to support herself. Staring into space, her breathing was deep and fast, her eyes filling with tears.<br>"Quinn?"_

_"I love you." The blonde's words came out as a soft whisper.  
>"I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you in kindergarten. You skipped past me, whilst I was with Britt. You were wearing your little black dress with golden stars on it, and your laughter lit up my day. I knew then. When we first spoke, your first words to me were that you liked my hair, because it reminded you of stars, I knew then and ever since then I vowed to never dye my hair. I only dyed it pink to spite you, and it killed me.<br>I've never stopped loving you. I love the simple thought of you. The mere thought of being within the same room as you excites me and leaves me breathless, I just want to spend endless lifetimes wrapped in your arms with your voice ringing in my ears and filling the silence. I never wanted anyone else, I never will. You're all I ever wanted. I can't let him hold you back."  
>Even alone you are perfect, but to me you're my perfect thing."<em>

_Rachel was silent for a few moments, struck by what she had just heard.  
>"Quinn I-"<br>"You can't marry him…you…you just can't." she choked out, soft as a whisper as she frowned. The brunette stepped forward and reached out a shaking hand to rest upon Quinn's arm.  
>"Don't touch me." The blonde rasped out, her voice sounding distant and broken. "Don't touch me!" She cried out, pushing Rachel's hand away as she broke into a run out of the bathroom.<em>

_"Quinn!" Rachel shouted, watching the blonde rush out, but Quinn couldn't hear her. All she could focus on was her heart once again beating erratically against her ribs, the blood pulsing round her body and her breathing coming out in ragged pants as she took off down the hallway and threw herself against the door. The sunlight hit her eyes and she shook her head and ran to her car, throwing open the door and slamming her fists against the wheel in anger, despair, hurt, confusion and annoyance.  
>Letting out an anguished yell, she broke into sobs, the tears heavy as they fell down her cheeks and crashed onto her lap.<br>Shaking her head as she heard the doors to the school open, she quickly started the car and put it into drive, pulling out with a squeal of her tyres._

_"Quinn! Stop!" Rachel screamed, already seeing the truck speeding down the road heading towards Quinn's small Beatle.  
>She let out a strangled cry as Quinn turned one last time to look at her with hopeful, tear filled eyes, before the screeching of metal filled the air.<br>"Quinn!" She yelled, taking off in a run towards the scene. The Beatle had been struck on the driver's side, and trapped between the truck and a tree. Smoke filled the air, as the truck driver stumbled out and towards the wreck.  
>"I didn't mean to! I tried to brake but it was too late! Oh god. Oh god!" He cried out, his head in his hands as he shook his head in disbelief.<br>"Call an ambulance!" Rachel shrieked, throwing open the back door of the Beatle and climbing in to get to Quinn, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the sight before her.  
>"Oh God, Quinn…"She whispered brokenly, her hands flying to cover her mouth. The blonde now had streaks of red cascading down her chest, her head lolling forward limply. Her pale skin was tainted red, and her breathing was shallow. The scene was a mess, and it terrified Rachel.<br>"Quinn?" The brunette whispered, reaching out a hand to rest upon the blondes bloody cheek, jumping as she let out a weak, soft cough, blood running down her chin.  
>"R-rach…"She whispered, so softly Rachel had to strain to hear her. "I…I love you. It's simple, it-" She coughed again, wincing and closing her eyes, "It always was." She finished, her head slightly tilting upwards slightly, using all of her energy to take one last look at Rachel before falling completely limp.<br>"Quinn…Quinn!" Rachel screamed, tears free falling down her cheeks now as she cried out repeatedly for her love._

"_The ambulance is here"  
>"Low heart rate."<br>"There's so much blood"  
>"Head injuries, broken ribs, punctured lung."<br>"Pulse fading!"  
>"Clear!"<br>All of these were just faded technical terms in the background to Rachel, she almost felt as though she were underwater, everything seemed that way as she sat in the back of the ambulance, holding onto Quinn's hand and begging to any and every God to just let her live._

_She doesn't know how she got there, all she knows is the pressure of Santana's hand gripping hers, and the distressed, heartbroken cries of Brittany curled into Santana beside her. She was floating, in a state of unawareness. All she wanted to hear was the reassuring words from the doctor, to be able to hold Quinn's hand again and not feel it as cold as before._

_Finally after 3 hours in surgery, the doctor emerged looking like he had just survived a horror film, his head bowed down.  
>"Fabray?"<br>Rachel's head shot up, and she numbly walked towards him.  
>"I'm sorry, there were complications…"<em>

**1 year later…**

"Miss Berry?" The attendant spoke gently, shaking the brunette from her thoughts and bringing her back to reality. The sounds of the carnival were a complete change from the blank place of her mind and it stunned her for a short while before she looked up.  
>"It's Fabray-Berry, actually." She said softly, her sad eyes meeting the attendants as she took the microphone from her and ascended into the bright lights of the stage.<br>"This is for her. It's always for her." She said, it was all she ever said before she began to sing.

_'There's distance and there's silence, your words have never left me__  
><em>_They're the prayer that I say every day'_

_The lone neon nights and the ache of the ocean__  
><em>_And the fire that was starting to spark__  
><em>_I miss it all from the love to the lightning__  
><em>_And the lack of it snaps me in two___

_Just give me a sign, there's an end and not beginning__  
><em>_To the quiet chaos driving me mad__  
><em>_The lone neon nights and the walls of the ocean__  
><em>_And the fire that is starting to go out__'  
><em> 

A flash of blonde caught her eye, and she followed it intently with her eyes, before settling upon the culprit.  
>Before her in the crowd stood Quinn, her brilliant blonde hair tied loosely in a long side braid, a navy blue slouched hat atop her head. She smiled softly, a twinkle in her eye as she let out a breath and her hands found themselves holding onto the straps of her shoulder bag.<br>Rachel grinned, securing the microphone back onto the stand and rushing down the stairs running towards her love.  
>"Quinn, you're standing." She choked out, picking the blonde up and swinging her round in a crushing hug. "You're standing by yourself!"<br>She whispered, putting her feet securely on the ground and looking her up and down before holding her close.  
>"Yeah" Quinn chuckled, biting her lip as she looked at Rachel in admiration. "Well…I can for a short while, and I look like bambi. But it was worth the few shaky steps to see you sing in front of the crowd again. You were born to do this, and I was born to see you shine." She spoke gently, looking deep into Rachel's tear filled eyes.<br>A familiar giggle shook them out of their moment, as Quinn ducked her head and pointed over to a stand where Santana and Brittany quickly tried to hide behind.  
>"They helped me here." Quinn explained with a soft grin, "I can only walk a short distance." She said sadly, frowning as she looked down.<br>"Hey," Rachel whispered, "It's a start, they said you'd never stand again and here you are." She said proudly, kissing her girl and throwing all of her admiration and passion into the kiss.  
>"I love you, it's simple." Quinn said gently, kissing Rachel's nose.<br>"It always was." Rachel finished, kissing the blonde's forhead.


End file.
